The Shadows of the subconscious

Jan 4

The first time I heard the phrase shadow work, I thought, Oh great, another buzz word.

I’ll be the first to admit I misunderstood it. I judged what I didn’t know. And one day as fate would have it, I was writing a paper for my Doctorate program about the work of Carl Jung and the light bulb went off.

I was already doing shadow work in my therapy practice.

Let me break it down. Shadow work isn’t dark or scary. What it actually is a beautiful acknowledgement and embodiment that gives you permission to break free from the autopilot bullshit that operates in the background of your subconscious.

If I may geek out for a moment or two…

The Name Behind the Shadow

Carl Jung is a founding father in the field of psychology (1875-1961). He coined the term shadow to describe the unknown, dark side of one’s personality. It’s the unconscious part of our personality that we essentially ignore, repress, and reject. Jung wrote, “everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it becomes.” Jung believed that if we didn’t accept all parts of ourselves, we would live a life that was incomplete and not whole.

We also then unknowingly let that side of us lead the show. “Until you make the unconscious, conscious,” Jung wrote, “it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

The Depths of the Subconscious

The impact of an unconscious shadow carries a heavy weight. Our shadow resides in our subconscious and is created from experiences/moments in our lifetime. Within each experience/moment, we take away a belief of self. It’s one of the 8 components needed to store an experience as a memory so it happens automatically, sometimes without question. Also within our subconscious is our belief operating system.

The limiting beliefs taken from the situation in which the shadow was created can become part of this operating system and lead to many undesirable outcomes: self-sabotage, failed relationships, substance abuse, and reckless behavior.

Let me give you a personal example.

There was a period in my life where I can look back and say I was in a very unhealthy, romantic relationship. I wouldn’t have been able to identify it while I was in it, but hindsight is 20/20.

Over the course of a year and a half I went from feeling my happiest to feeling less than worthy. To the point where I convinced myself that the limitations in my relationships were truly the best and most that I deserved.

Until I could call the spade the spade, the same patterns continued and the same belief systems operated.

This formed a part of my shadow-self and it dictated the next rounds of partnerships. While these relationships didn’t work out, please note I truly believed these experiences worked out the way they were supposed to. From each experience comes a lesson and until I was willing to look at this, the same story line would run with different characters each time.

Loving On

It’s hard looking at the parts ourselves that we are embarrassed or ashamed about. I describe the process as plunging yourself into a cold bucket of ice water. It physically feels like a shock and the narrative in your mind just starts to run.

I’m dying. I can’t do this. This is impossible…

None of this is true.

As you begin to regulate your breath and simply notice the words in your head versus believing they are the truth of your experience, you have more space to settle. And as uncomfortable as it sounds (and is), over time it becomes bearable. Settling. Worthy of love.

How To Do Shadow Work

The human brain is a pretty amazing thing and as we learn how it operates, we get to use that information to our benefit.

If you think of the brain like a computer, it organizes memories in the same way you would organize the documents in your files. All it takes is one similarity for it to link. 8 components make up a memory: our 5 sensory input, the energy we feel in our body, the emotion we name to those sensations and the thoughts about self.

The nauseous feeling you experience before you speak publicly…

We can trace the brain’s memory network system to the earliest time you remember feeling that way.

That belief system of feeling like everything is your fault…

We can identify what experiences contribute to that operating system.

Our present moment is influenced by our past. Why? Because when we are in the present moment, our brain is searching for experiences and information that inform you how to proceed in your current experience.

My favorite way to do shadow work is to tap into the sensations in my body. There is vast literature and research that speaks to trauma holding in the body and the body always remembering.

Sure, it’s uncomfortable as fuck. But the opportunities that you will experience in life as a result of your head being in the sand is far more uncomfortable IMO.